DECLASSIFIED: Innner Party Correspondance 04.01

April 9, 2001

Comrade Commissar Nuby
Lieutenant Admiral Secretary
of Inner Party C.E.E.H.S.
Heather St
Douglas Park Soviet,
Peoples Republic of Vancouver

COMRADE, HERE FOLLOWS A BRIEF SPEECH I HAVE WRITTEN FOR THE OCCASION OF THE FIFTH ANNUAL COMMUNIST EASTER EGG HUNT. PLEASE READ IT TO THE ASSEMBLED REVOLUTIONARY PROLETARIAT AND CONVEY MY DEEPEST SOLIDARITY DESPITE MY ABSENCE. LONG LIVE THE C.E.E.H.S. PARTY! LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!

Dear Comrades,

Tonight is a momentous night. It is the fifth year of an epoch and we are standing stronger and more glorious in the revolution than five years ago - and we are still growing. United we stand - divided we fall. Let all the proletariat unite behind the banner of communist easter egg hunting.

But to understand the real significance of this eve, let me first take you back to our humble beginnings. Back in the days of crocanol and invisible kites, Comrade Commissar Nuby and I were hold up in a pit deep in Douglas park. This was a pit of our own choosing. We dug it with grenades. We threw the grenades into the pit until it was dug. We lobbed the abundant grenades over the edge into the army of imperialist fascist assembled there to crush our resistance. We were running low on grenades and running low on food. We had to resort to eating long, long pieces of grass.

Nuby and nuby at this point were doomed. If it had not been for the uniting of the secular with the spiritual in the monumental lighters with your toes event. There were over 52,000 people assembled in the park, each standing on his or her head or laying on their back as they saw fit. Each individual held only a sole lighter betwixt their toes. The festival of lights fifty thousand voices strong was unity and power and our labours were united by the labourers overthrowing their capitalist pig dog bastards.

Now five years later with the strength of communist easter egg hunters assured by the large and formidable soap frog cartel we must look inwards to re-evaluate what it is we are doing, where we are going and how much we have already achieved.

First of all, is there enough vodka? Comrades do not skimp on this vital element of necessity, there is no Peace, Land or Bread without it. This is axiomatic but then it is true by experience assuredly. Secondly what has been achieved is a strong and loose tyranny of the proletariat.

I must bring this address to a close. In closing: I have a dream. One day the whole world will know that Stalin loves them. Lenin is you friend. The Big Bunny is a Bolshey! In short chocolate opium eggs are the next frontier. And an invigorating and jelly like surface this frontier is. This all came to a conclusion that we all understood and for that we are thankful. Good Day and Good Luck. Never do a ninja role with a backpack full of communist Easter eggs. One person holds the poster to the poll while the other staples or tape guns. Try not to get too entangled in the web of deceitful packing tape. Also recycling is a good idea but don't use your dad's home number on the back of your poster - it just gives the tsarist secret police a leg up. Cut off the bastard fascists' legs! Stand together pinkos, stand strong. The war is not done yet but the spectre is growing!

Peace! Land! Bread! Vodka!
Commissar Comrade Nuby

General Sergeant Secretary
of Inner Party C.E.E.H.S.
W. 25th Avenue
(known to the monarchist as King Edward)
Douglas Park Soviet, Peoples Republic of Vancouver,
Shaugnessy Frontier